


Slipping Out of Reach

by songofthe52hertzwhale



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Coma dreaming, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 02:09:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14823195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofthe52hertzwhale/pseuds/songofthe52hertzwhale
Summary: "This isn't real," Julian says, staring at Logan's hand in his, "You've never smiled at me like that."





	Slipping Out of Reach

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.

Julian’s whole body feels heavy.

The world around him doesn’t make sense. There’s a thick fog surrounding him, a hazy grayish tinge covering everything he can see. He tries to sit up, but his limbs don’t seem to cooperate. It’s like he’s being pulled somewhere else, like his body wants to go somewhere his mind doesn’t.

He blinks, squints through the fog — _or is it smoke?_ — and tries to find something that makes sense. From somewhere far away, echoing like a forgotten dream, comes a soft melody.

_“Let me hold you, for the last time…”_

He recognizes that voice.

He finally finds the strength to pull himself upright, and he stumbles to his feet. He’s off-balance a little, still lost in the gray. He follows the sound of that voice, focuses solely on the one familiar thing in this world.

“ _It’s the last chance to feel again…”_

The fog ends abruptly, and Julian hesitates when he steps, suddenly, into an impossibly bright room. It hurts, almost — he has to close his eyes for a moment, tries to adjust to the change.

 _“But you broke me, now I can’t feel anything_ …”

He opens his eyes.

He supposes it isn't a room, exactly. 

It's like the world is split in two -- the fog and this bright, painful  _light_.

In front of him, centered just within his line of sight, sits a shining grand piano, played by a beautiful boy with golden hair. He looks up as Julian steps forward, lets his hands still over the keys and smiles softly.

“Julian,” Logan’s eyes sparkle, and he raises one hand imploringly, “Come here. Sing with me.”

Julian’s legs move of their own accord. It feels like he’s floating, more than walking, drifting through this strange bright world until he stands at Logan’s side.

Logan laughs a little, tugs at Julian’s hand until he sinks onto the bench beside him. Julian stares at their linked hands, their fingers tangled together — _has he always been this pale_?

“Maybe something different, though?” Logan pulls his hand away, lets his fingers dance over the keyboard again.

“ _Everyone’s around, no words are coming now…and I can’t find my breath, can we just say the rest with no sound?”_

Something in Julian’s chest twists unexpectedly.

This isn’t right.

“ _And I know this isn’t enough…I still don’t measure up…and I’m not prepared…sorry is never there when you need it…_ ”

He looks sideways at Julian, nudges at his shoulder. Words spill from Julian’s mouth before he even realizes he’s opened it.

_“And I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone…and I do want you to know I think…you’d be good to me, and I’d be so good to you.”_

Logan keeps playing, but Julian gasps, brings a hand to cover his mouth.

“ _No_ ,” he chokes out, “No. This isn’t…what is this?”

Logan stops singing, “What do you mean, Julian?”

He’s looking at him so _kindly_ , is staring at Julian with those beautiful green eyes. They’re _wrong_ , somehow — not quite the right color, the shape just a little off.

Julian’s trembling.

“…this isn’t real.”

“Of course it is, Jules. Why wouldn’t it be?”

He smiles again. It makes Julian’s breath catch. It’s the way he’s always dreamt Logan would look at him, the way he’s looked at a thousand other pretty boys before him.

“You’ve never smiled at me like that.”

Logan looks amused, “I smile at you.”

“Not like that.”

Logan’s hands finally leave the piano. He shifts to face Julian, reaches for one of Julian’s hands.

“Does this feel real?”

“…yes,” Julian admits. It’s _warm_ , where Logan’s skin brushes his. It’s the only thing he can feel, like his entire _being_ is focused on that one point of contact.

“Then it’s real, isn’t it?”

His thumb rubs at Julian’s knuckles, slowly.

“It’s _wrong_ ,” Julian insists, voice coming out a little weaker than he’d like, “This…there’s something I’m forgetting. Something isn’t right.”

“It feels right to me,” Logan’s smile softens a little. He leans forward, presses his lips to Julian’s in the lightest of kisses.

Julian can’t _breathe_.

“Didn’t that feel right?” Logan whispers, his face still inches from Julian’s, “Don’t you want to keep this? Don’t you want to stay here?”

“Where is here?”

Logan laughs, “Does it matter? We’re happy, here.”

He squeezes Julian’s hand, presses another kiss to the bridge of his nose. Julian closes his eyes again, tries to force himself to focus. To _remember_.

“You want to be happy, don’t you?”

_You want to be happy, don’t you?_

_You want to be happy._

A single tear makes its way down Julian’s cheek, brushed away by Logan’s hand before it hits his chin.

“I do,” he says, opening his eyes again, “I want to be happy.”

“Then _stay_.”

“How?” Julian asks, tearfully, “How do I stay? I don’t know…I don’t _understand_ …”

“You just have to decide,” Logan takes Julian’s face in his hands, “You just have to _choose_. Choose to stay, Julian. Choose not to go back.”

“Go back _where_?”

Logan’s expression hardens a little. His eyes flick to something just past Julian’s shoulder, and Julian turns before Logan can stop him.

It _is_ smoke, he can see that clearly now. A cloud of gray-black smoke, swirling through the air. And through it, almost completely obscured…

“Is that _me?_ ”

The body in the hospital bed looks small, broken. It’s covered in bruises and burns, draped in medical equipment and wires. There’s a long, steady beep emitting from one of the machines.

“Am I _dead_?” Julian’s voice breaks, fresh tears spilling across his face.

Logan jerks him back a little too harshly, fingers digging into his chin.

“It’s your choice, Julian,” he says firmly, “You can stay here. With me. We can be happy. _You_ can be happy.”

“But I’d be dead.”

“Isn’t that better?” Logan’s smile is almost cruel, “Do you really have anything worth living for? I don’t love you, there.”

Julian sobs, brokenly, but Logan doesn’t stop.

“I don’t _want_ you, there. But I do here. You can have what you want here, Julian. Forever.”

It's a beautiful dream. He could stay. Be happy. Have all of this - the light and the music and love. He could have _Logan_.

But that's all this is - a dream.

He shakes his head, slides backwards on the stool until Logan’s hands leave his face.

“It’s not real. _You’re_ not real.”

“You won’t remember,” Logan says, “If you choose to stay, you’ll forget all that. You’ll be _happy_.”

“But it won’t be real,” Julian looks behind him again, stares at his _own body_ lying still on a white bed, “That’s what’s real.”

“I’m offering you everything, Julian,” Logan’s hands rest atop Julian’s shoulders, “I’m offering you _happiness_.”

“…I don’t want it,” Julian says, “Not like this.”

“Julian—”

But Julian ignores him. He stands, ignores the pull of Logan’s hands on him and steps back into the smoke. It suffocates him, fills his chest with a painful fullness that _hurts_. Still, he moves forward, nearly falls over as he approaches the bed.

“Wake up,” he begs his own body, tentatively reaching forward to brush at his own hand, lying cold and still on the bed, “ _Please_ , please wake up.”

Nothing happens.

“ _Please_.”

The steady beep of the heart monitor is deafening. He leans in, lays his face on the pillow.

“Please,” he whispers again, into his own ear, “You have to wake up. We have to go back now.”

Still, nothing.

The smoke around him is growing thicker now. He can’t breathe, can only choke on the fumes. He coughs, opens his mouth and uses the rest of his strength in his body to scream.

_“Wake up!”_

The world goes black.

For the briefest of moments, it’s _peaceful_. His mind goes blank, the pain stops.

When everything comes back, it’s overwhelming.

Every part of his body burns, every limb aches.

A slow beep rings through his head. Then another, and another.

He opens his eyes.


End file.
